All posts by nilkilla

Artist, Musician, Printer, Writer

Good bye, Thank You

There’s a tattoo on my brain

In the shape of your name

Consciousness poking at it

The missing tooth within my mouth

Every time I hit the nerve

I sink into self doubt

My negative self talk screaming

I am not worthy

I do not deserve

I am a

I am not

The weeks we spent in constant contact

Washed away with no warning

I take the healthy path and walk away

Existence tears back it’s ugly head and laughs

My negative self talk screaming

I am not worthy of

I do not deserve this

I am a burden

I am not worthy

Our interactions become so unimportant

I’m being harassed by doxers

My friend is homeless

My brother is dying

My child is sick

While I wish you were here to support me like I was there for you

I am screaming

I am not worthy of this

I do not deserve this

I am not a burden

I am not worthy of your

Consider this your eviction notice

There’s no more room inside my head

I only wish the best for you

I hope you get the help you need

Good bye

I am not worthy of this treatment

I do not deserve this neglect

I am not a burden

I am not worthy of your disdain

Day at the zoo

I’m just better off viewed from a safe distance

Don’t feed the animal, he’ll want to interact

Stay behind the fencing or risk loss of life and limb

Please don’t pet him behind the ears, he’ll think he deserves affection

Keep the windows rolled up, hands on the wheel, and eyes straight ahead

Please don’t make eye contact, he doesn’t deserve the respect

Thank you for confirming all of these understandings

Please be safe and continue along your journey

Saying the loud parts quiet

I hope you enjoy your silence

A world without my sounds

I only meant to bring you happiness

But it seems I was too loud

I hope you enjoy the blank space

No more images from me

My only hope was to brighten your life

But it seems I was too loud

Now I’ll walk on tip-toe

Every effort not to disturb

I’ll strictly curate my output

Leaving the excess at the curb

Forest of one

Demanding as a child,

I wait for each reply,

Constantly looking for validation,

Dreaming of the day,

You’ll never go away,

Pushing you away with every action.

Resplendent as a new day,

Someone new with whom to share,

Effervesce as the interests begin to rise

Sharing causing tingles of excitement,

Overflowing from me,

A flood of attention and desire

Unfurling like a bud blossoming,

All my truths spill out

Exposing my core

Rotten with the desperate need to fit in

The flies gather at the feast

A gluttony of spoiled ego

Drifting as if a leaf from a tree

Settling to the detritus below

Another friendship left to decay

Adding to the soil

Smothering each glimmer of hope

While building up the tree to stand alone

Crushing like the Earth on Atlas’s back

My need for attention builds up

Smothering any interest

Self destructive inclinations reinforcing what I know

I’m a burden, I’m overwhelming, I’m too much

I shouldn’t inflict me upon anyone

Intermittent Unrequited Date (pop)

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I find you 

at the show 

I see you 

wherever you are

we dance together

we fly

Through the crowd

Passing time

At the show 

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

Another Dawn another day

Together we walk

Taking in sunlight

I’m right here

With you

Then it’s

To the store 

Then

To the shop 

Grab A coffee

Black with two sugars

We have so much in common 

We’re so familiar

We’ve grown so close

We are so alike

The further we’re apart

The more we need each other

I follow along

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I’m. Here. With. You.

Off we go

To another show

This is the place

We’re settling down

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m here all casually

Edging along your line of sight

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

We bump into each other

Long time no see

I’m  Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

I’m Here with you

You head home

And lay down

Exhaustion steals you away

I’m Here with you

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I’m here with you

I sneak in to steal a whiff

I inhale 

Then As you stir

I fade away

I fade away

I fade away

I fade away

You smell so much better when you’re asleep