TBD TBC

What does it mean to be a part of Team Bad Decisions?

There. Are. No. Right. Decisions.

Every decision results in a worse result no matter what choice is made

Success is hanging from a string

Just when it brushes my fingertips

It’s nudged just a hair’s breadth away

It doesn’t matter. If. I. Leap.

It doesn’t matter. How. I. Try.

It doesn’t matter. When. I. Relax.

I drop

I fail

I break

Happiness is balanced on a pin

Just when I’ve found the balance

It shifts, the needle lodged within my heart

It doesn’t matter. If. I. Squeeze.

It doesn’t matter. If. I. Shift.

It doesn’t matter. If. I. Release.

I crack

I stick

I fall

Hopefully this clears it up

If not just watch

This is all on display

Just don’t watch to long or you’ll become a part of the team

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Cast Adrift upon a bottomless sea (Styrofoam Dream)

Cast adrift in a bottomless sea

Grasping to a styrofoam dream

Gripping tight this last gasp

One more glimpse at the sky

Dehydration 

With exhaustion

Followed by Frostbite

Was that a nudge against my leg? 

Fingers raisins

Final flex

I let go

Descending 

Sinking into fathomless depths

farewell life preserver

The sun a fading star 

in a rippled sky

Darkness descending now

Was that a passing cloud?

Blindness

And flailing

Lungs aflame 

A final lunge and thrust

I’m bitten

And wrenched apart

Teeth

So many teeth

Good bye, Thank You

There’s a tattoo on my brain

It’s in the shape of your name

Unconsciously poking at it

Probing for that missing tooth

Every time it hits the nerve

I sink into self doubt

My negative self talk screams

I am not worthy

I do not deserve

I am a

I am not

Weeks we spent in constant contact

Washed away with no warning

Choosing the healthy path I walk away

Reality rears it’s head and laughs

My negative self talk screams

I am not worthy of

I do not deserve this

I am a burden

I am not worth it

Our interactions become unimportant

Doxers harassing me

A close friend is homeless

My brother is dying

My child is sick

While I wish you were here to support me like I was there for you

I am screaming

I am not worthy of this

I do not deserve this

I am not a burden

I am not worthy of your

Consider this your eviction notice

There’s no more room inside my head

I only wish the best for you

I hope you get the help you need

Good bye

I am not worthy of this treatment

I do not deserve this neglect

I am not a burden

I am not worthy of your disdain

Day at the zoo

I’m just better off viewed from a safe distance

Don’t feed the animal, he’ll want to interact

Stay behind the fencing or risk loss of life and limb

Please don’t pet him behind the ears, he’ll think he deserves affection

Keep the windows rolled up, hands on the wheel, and eyes straight ahead

Please don’t make eye contact, he doesn’t deserve the respect

Thank you for confirming all of these understandings

Please be safe and continue along your journey

Saying the loud parts quiet

I hope you enjoy your silence

A world without my sounds

I only meant to bring you happiness

But it seems I was too loud

I hope you enjoy the blank space

No more images from me

My only hope was to brighten your life

But it seems I was too loud

Now I’ll walk on tip-toe

Every effort not to disturb

I’ll strictly curate my output

Leaving the excess at the curb

Forest of one

Demanding as a child,

I wait for each reply,

Constantly looking for validation,

Dreaming of the day,

You’ll never go away,

Pushing you away with every action.

Resplendent as a new day,

Someone new with whom to share,

Effervesce as the interests begin to rise

Sharing causing tingles of excitement,

Overflowing from me,

A flood of attention and desire

Unfurling like a bud blossoming,

All my truths spill out

Exposing my core

Rotten with the desperate need to fit in

The flies gather at the feast

A gluttony of spoiled ego

Drifting as if a leaf from a tree

Settling to the detritus below

Another friendship left to decay

Adding to the soil

Smothering each glimmer of hope

While building up the tree to stand alone

Crushing like the Earth on Atlas’s back

My need for attention builds up

Smothering any interest

Self destructive inclinations reinforcing what I know

I’m a burden, I’m overwhelming, I’m too much

I shouldn’t inflict me upon anyone

Nerve damage

Yes that’s me

The one who will

Do anything to please

Until I’m stretched out

Until it hurts

I’m in it for the pain

Scars have left me numb

It takes more than a little

To wake me up

I’m in it for the pain

Want a cut

A bit of burn

Scratch me up

Bite slap and punch me

I’m in it for the pain

Scars have left me numb

It takes more than a little

To wake me up

I’m in it for the pain

Tie me up

Twist the knot

Pinch me hard

Choke bind and whip me

I’m in it for the pain

Star Blind

There’s no place for me here

My rounded curves getting cut by the jagged edges of your pieces

Every moment I’m here, I bleed

This isn’t my time to shine

My Photalgia driving stardom’s spotlight spikes deep into my mind’s eye

Every moment im here, I’m blind

Why is it I who must give up his sight?

Why is it I who must give up his dreams?

Why is it I who must keep giving?

While you Take

And you Take

And you Take

Failear Stockpile

Accumulating failure

Rolling downhill

Gathering momentum from my bad decisions

The past is so rose gold glorious

I realize later I’ll miss the now

The passing of time just makes it so much worse

Accumulating failure

Rolling downhill

Velocity increasing from my bad decisions

There’s no better tomorrow

Only better yesterdays

The here and now

Being nothing

Until the dawn and i look back and see those pastures spreadin wide

Saturated with that rose gold hue

Accumulating failure

Rolling downhill

Increasingly terminal from my bad decisions

Piloting the TBD bus off of a cliff

Can’t look forward for the bottomless pit

I can’t look back without going blind

I can’t look up for the scorpions

Can’t look down for the dragons in the sky

Just let me close my eyes and sleep

Empty of dreams hopes and desire

There’s no wish left in me

Accumulating failure

Rolling downhill

Gathering momentum from my bad decisions